Motherhood is a beautiful, messy, and overwhelming journey. As a solo mom of three who homeschools and someone with a background in child development and psychology, I’ve experienced firsthand how easy it is to lose sight of yourself in the whirlwind of raising little humans. Your days are filled with diaper changes, regulating little humans, meal prep, and balancing your needs as mama. Somewhere along the way, you forget about you.
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or just need a fresh start, it’s time for a reset. Not a drastic, unattainable overhaul—but step by step, intentional shifts that will renew your sense of purpose and joy. Here’s how to reset your life and mental health as a mom:
1. Declutter Your Mental and Physical Space
Our environments affect our mental state more than we realize (even research supports this). If your home feels chaotic, your mind will follow. Start small—one drawer, one countertop, or even just your purse.
At the same time, declutter your mind. Take 10 minutes to brain-dump everything that’s swirling around in your head: to-dos, worries, dreams, and errands. Putting it all on paper helps you regain clarity and control. I like to make daily and weekly to do lists to keep my mind organized.
2. Prioritize Your Basic Needs
It’s tempting to put everyone else’s needs before your own, but you can’t align with the mama you want to be from a space of burnout. Start by addressing these basics:
• Sleep: Can you nap when your baby naps? Or turn off the TV 30 minutes earlier to catch more rest? Set a sleep schedule to follow as much as possible. I chose safe Cosleeping with my little to make sure we both get enough sleep.
• Nutrition: Keep healthy snacks like nuts, fruit, or yogurt accessible. I also love to meal prep during the calm moments and make it fun by listening to a favorite audiobook. Fueling your body with healthy food will fuel your mind and help prevent deficiencies and balance your hormones. I also love to use herbs and supplements to stay balanced.
• Movement: You don’t need to hit the gym every day. A 10-minute walk with the stroller / baby wearing or a dance party in the living room can work wonders.
3. Set Aligned Expectations
It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to do everything—crafting the perfect curriculum, keeping the house spotless, and meeting unrealistic standards for motherhood. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on alignment:
• What truly matters to you? Let that guide your decisions.
• What brings peace to your family? Do more of that.
• What’s draining you? Consider letting it go.
As moms, we often juggle endless roles: teacher, cook, housekeeper, nurse, chauffeur, and more. With so much to manage, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed when our expectations don’t match reality. The key to thriving, rather than simply surviving, lies in setting aligned expectations—those that resonate with your values, capabilities, and unique family needs.
What Does It Mean to Set Aligned Expectations?
Aligned expectations are goals and standards that honor your personal priorities, strengths, and limitations. They’re rooted in your family’s unique rhythms and focus on what truly matters, rather than what external pressures or comparisons tell you to do.
The concept of alignment is supported by research in developmental psychology and positive psychology, which suggests that living in alignment with our values leads to greater life satisfaction and well-being. When we create harmony between what we value and how we act, we experience less stress, greater fulfillment, and stronger connections with those around us.
Why Unaligned Expectations Lead to Burnout
When your expectations are misaligned—whether with your family’s needs, your season of life, or your own mental and physical energy—you set yourself up for frustration and burnout. Constantly striving to achieve unrealistic goals (a perfectly tidy house, elaborate lessons, or the “ideal” mom persona) drains your energy and diminishes joy.
Unaligned expectations also blur boundaries, making it difficult to prioritize your well-being. You end up saying “yes” to everything—taking on too much at the expense of your own needs.
Research on Alignment and Boundaries
Numerous studies highlight the importance of alignment and boundaries for mental health. According to boundary theory, establishing clear limits between roles (such as being a mom, teacher, and individual) reduces role conflict and stress. A 2015 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that people who live in alignment with their values experience greater resilience and emotional regulation.
Similarly, Brené Brown, renowned researcher on vulnerability and courage, emphasizes the importance of boundaries as a way to preserve energy and maintain authenticity. She states, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
For moms, this means creating realistic expectations that honor both your personal well-being and your family’s unique needs.
Steps to Set Aligned Expectations
1. Define Your Core Values
Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you and your family. Ask yourself:
• What are my non-negotiables?
• What do I want my children to remember about their childhood?
• What brings peace and connection to our home?
For example, if fostering creativity is a core value, you can let go of rigid schedules and embrace open-ended projects. If connection is a priority, you might scale back on academic rigor to spend more time reading together or exploring nature.
2. Set Boundaries to Protect Your Energy
Boundaries are essential for keeping your expectations realistic and aligned (I deep dive into this in my course). Without them, it’s easy to overcommit and spread yourself too thin. Start small by:
• Setting limits on your homeschool day. For example, decide that lessons will end by 2 PM, even if everything isn’t “done.”
• Saying no to unnecessary obligations, whether it’s extra co-op responsibilities or social activities that leave you drained.
• Communicating your boundaries to your family. Let your kids know when you need quiet time to recharge.
Research shows that setting boundaries not only reduces stress but also models healthy behavior for children, teaching them to respect their own needs and limits.
3. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
One of the biggest sources of misalignment is perfectionism—the belief that everything needs to be flawless. Let go of the idea that your parenting (or your home) has to look Instagram-worthy. Instead, focus on progress:
• Celebrate small wins, like completing a lesson or seeing your child grasp a new concept.
• Accept that some days will be messy, and that’s okay. Learning is a journey, not a destination.
4. Reevaluate and Adjust Regularly
What works now may not work in six months, and that’s perfectly normal. Seasons of life change, and so should your expectations. Regularly check in with yourself and ask:
• Are my current expectations serving my family and me?
• Am I feeling aligned with my values, or am I overextended?
• What can I let go of to create more space for joy and peace?
Parenting is fluid, and flexibility is your ally.
5. Let Go of Comparison
One of the biggest barriers to alignment is comparing yourself to others. Whether it’s other moms on social media or friends with different priorities, comparison only breeds discontent. Remember: your journey is uniquely yours.
When you find yourself falling into the comparison trap, revisit your values and remind yourself of what’s most important to you.
Aligned Expectations in Action
Here’s what setting aligned expectations might look like:
• Value: Connection.
• Aligned Expectation: Prioritize one-on-one time with each child daily, even if it’s just 10 minutes of undivided attention.
• Boundary: Limit extracurricular activities to protect family evenings.
• Value: Creativity.
• Aligned Expectation: Incorporate hands-on, creative projects into lessons, even if they take longer than traditional methods.
• Boundary: Say no to rigid schedules that don’t allow for flexibility.
• Value: Well-being.
• Aligned Expectation: Prioritize self-care by scheduling 30 minutes daily for journaling, reading, or walking.
• Boundary: Stop answering emails or texts during your personal time.
A Final Note on Alignment
Setting aligned expectations isn’t about lowering your standards or giving up on your goals—it’s about choosing what feels right for your family and letting go of the rest. When you align your actions with your values, you create a more peaceful and intentional homeschooling experience for everyone.
Mama, you’re already doing amazing things. By setting aligned expectations and protecting your boundaries, you can homeschool with greater joy and purpose while nurturing your own mental health.
For example, if baking together feels like a joyful learning experience, prioritize it. If it feels like a chore, find another way to connect. Aligned expectations allow you to focus on what feels authentic and meaningful for your family.
4. Find Daily Joy in the Simple Things
Raising little humans provides a unique opportunity to embrace life’s little moments. Look for joy in the simple things:
• Reading a favorite book aloud together.
• Pausing to watch the birds outside the window.
• Laughing at your toddler’s knock-knock jokes.
Joy doesn’t come from extravagant plans or perfect schedules—it’s in the moments where you slow down and connect.
5. Lean on / Build Your Village
Motherhood can feel isolating, but you don’t have to do it alone. Lean on your support system—whether it’s family, friends, or your local community like playgroups. If you don’t have one yet, join an online group or co-op. I signed up for a local homeschool group and hosted a gathering to start forming connections. Other moms understand what you’re going through, and sometimes just sharing a cup of coffee (virtual or in person) with someone who “gets it” can be incredibly healing.
6. Reconnect With Your Identity
Motherhood is a significant part of who you are, but it’s not all of who you are. Take time to rediscover the woman you were before you became a mom and who you are becoming:
• Revisit old hobbies or try new ones.
• Write in a journal to explore your thoughts and dreams.
• Carve out time to just be—not as “mom” but as yourself. Even without child care you can do this – we have an hour of quiet independent time in our routine every day.
7. Embrace Self-Compassion
We’re so quick to criticize ourselves but hesitate to offer the same grace we’d give a friend. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. Speak to yourself kindly, celebrate small wins, and forgive yourself for mistakes.
8. Seek Professional Help if Needed
Sometimes a reset requires more than self-care and needs a more immediate approach. If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or burnout, don’t hesitate to seek help. Therapy, counseling, or even a chat with your doctor could help you find the needed support.
A Gentle Reminder
Mama, you’re not alone in this journey. Resetting your life doesn’t mean becoming a whole new person—it’s about realigning with who you already are and prioritizing what truly matters. You are already enough.
One step at a time, one small shift at a time, you can rediscover balance, joy, and peace in the beautiful chaos of motherhood.
You’ve got this.
With love,
Birdie
Mom of 3 | Child Development Specialist | Advocate for Mamas Everywhere
